The little girl may not want to go to school because the janitor is fondling her in the coat closet every day and she doesn’t know where to turn. An overly aggressive 10-year-old child may have an undiagnosed mental illness, or be the secret victim of physical or sexual abuse (possibly even by another family member). Separate the parties and ask questions.Stay Alert, Stay Safe These calls may sometimes seem like a silly waste of time, but take the time to look a little deeper - don’t allow yourself to become so cynical about these types of calls that you forget officer safety. Like many of you, I’ve also been sent to a “domestic” or an “unknown problem” that turned out to be an 8-year-old girl who was refusing to go to school, or a 12-year-old boy who was grappling with his 10-year-old brother over an X-box. In 29 years as a cop, I’ve seen more than my share of beaten and broken kids, and I’ve also seen parents who were bullied and battered by their own teenagers. Let me be clear, I am NOT advocating child abuse, true sibling domestic violence, or uncontrolled school-yard brawling. Let’s face it: Many parents just don’t know how to deal with an unruly or uncooperative child. And yet I can’t tell you how many calls I’ve been to as an officer, a detective and as a sergeant to deal with “out of control” children who simply needed a little parenting. Today, kids are taught that they don’t have to tolerate corporal punishment at home, but if my dad thought that my smart mouth deserved to be countered, I might get the palm of his hand to the back of my head. Nowadays that’s called “domestic violence.” Kids today aren’t allowed to “play rough” on the playground - if one child strikes another and the victim fights back, they both get suspended from school. If my older brother was beating the crap out me when I was in junior high, we called it “playing.” Times Have Changed I hate to sound like an old-timer, but things are different now. He'll have better verbal skills and more emotional maturity, both of which will help him when he's feeling upset.Preventing juvenile mass murder in American schools is the job of police officers, school teachers, and concerned parents - but cops are on the front lines In fact, it will probably make matters worse since you're modeling the very behavior that you want him to stop. As he grows older, odds are that the problem will go away. Tempting as it may be at the time, spanking an aggressive child for his behavior does not work. With structure comes predictability, which helps them feel more calm and in control. Greater structure also seems to help these children. Once a child is out of control, he isn't able to do anything but fight and he isn't learning anything from the situation. Take him away from the sandbox or the playgroup for a minute or two until he regains his composure and self-control. Once you've determined the most common triggers or timing, and can spot the escalating behaviors, the simplest thing to do is to remove the child from that environment - even if it's only a few feet - before he loses control. This part of the pattern will help you be better prepared to intervene.Īlso, most aggressive children this age go through a consistent sequence of behaviors before they lash out with a punch or a kick. A child may be much more likely to be aggressive in the afternoon when he's tired, or when he's feeling frustrated. They may be aggressive only at home or only in public. Many of these children show a clear pattern to their behavior. The best way to handle an overly aggressive child is to prevent the behavior in the first place. Also, representations of aggressiveness in media often seem to be rewarded, so kids get a mixed message. From a child's point of view, the difference between assertiveness and aggression may not be clear. So being aggressive toward a playmate is but a small step to success. The one who acts up in preschool will probably get extra attention from the teacher. A child who cuts ahead of the line to go down the slide at the playground will likely get to use that slide the most. In other areas of their lives, aggressiveness is often rewarded. With others, it's more a matter of their needing to learn and practice social skills. As toddlers and preschoolers, their developing nervous systems do not seem to let them control their impulses as much as their age mates do. In some children this aggressiveness appears to be biological. They're not bullies in fact, they sometimes pick hopeless fights with children who are much larger and older than they are. For them, aggression becomes their main approach to coping with almost any situation. Some toddlers and preschoolers, however, get into repeated and escalating tussles. Injuries are few disputes are soon forgotten. Most of the time it's nothing to worry about. A certain amount of pushing, grabbing, and even punching is normal when young children get together.
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